Have you ever fell in love with someone, and at the moment they fell in love with you everything changed? The person was perfect, the ideal “one” you sought your whole life, but as soon as they started caring about you, your mind just changed. Why? How does that happen? Scarlet Parke, on Don’t Tell Me, makes a valid point that might start clearing things up a little bit. She sings, “maybe we are running from ourselves, chasing something else when all we need is who we are.” One might love another not because they are free to do so, but because they are running from themselves. How so?
A flawed, imperfect, empty, boring guy finds the most awesome, perfect, fulfilling, and energetic girl he has ever met! Yes, they are complete opposites! He, to be honest, is a very nice guy. Solid job, values family, loves kids, healthy guy, enjoy arts, and has a Bible-saturated mind. He, of course, does not realize that. He thinks he sucks. This guy, then, pursues the girl of his dreams. In doing so, he becomes a “better him,” pushing himself further and further for his damsel’s heart. Until one day, *trumpets sound*, she realizes he is, in fact, an awesome guy and starts showing him some love. What happens to our lovely friend now? He starts feeling disgusted and miserable. She is not all that perfect anymore. Why would she get involved with a man like him? “How could she? Her standards were so high, I guess I was wrong,” concludes our lonely friend. The opposites are so strong, at least in his mind, that he cannot conceive of such a perfect girl giving attention to a guy like him.
Self-Love and Being Loved
For a relationship to work, both will need a degree of love for self. If you don’t consider yourself worth of the next person, you will likely discredit them for liking someone like you. If one does not feel worthy of being loved, one will refuse every attempt one makes to love them. As The School of Life teaches, “without love for self, the love of another person will always prove sickening and misguided.” Such an unconscious mental rebellion will destroy three in one: the person loved, the one loving, and the potential relationship. These kind of people are like those who get an A+ on a test they cheated, they don’t feel like they deserve it. These kind of people, I must add, normally enjoy falling in love with self-loving pricks who don’t give two baby back pork ribs about them.
Some people, on the other hand, had lever left their childhood behind. Normally, you learn about your self-worth in the early stages of life. Some folks, however, never move on. Meaning, they never go from being loved to love. They developed what I call the “love-me” disease. These people think of themselves as the next Pope or Jesus’ co-redeemer. They are so great, so fantastic, so awesome, that being loved is good to a degree, the impersonal degree. As soon as love gets close to them they act like porcupines repelling it. Why? Because they lack love for self? No, no, they are the very opposite of self. Being (kinda) sober-minded, they know the butterflies in their stomachs are ready to go out and make someone else happy. The problem is, these people are so used to being loved that they actually do not know how to love someone the proper way. Perfectionists, in their majority, they internally affirm some sort of ideal of love that, if not met, fails to be love in every form. For them there are no corollaries, love is not peripherical, but ideal and formless. Being formless, the form in which they feel they should love fails to hit their standard. The result? These people can’t love! Put a person who cannot love and one who cannot feel loved together and you will have a fun experiment. Whilst the former example needs to learn his/her self-worth in Christ, the latter needs to let go from their desire to be loved, which is safe, to actively love, which makes one vulnerable. Being a perfectionist myself, I know the struggle. And although the explanations above do not perfectly account for my own experience, they are right on point.
We Long for Love
What the latter example means by this is, “I long to be loved in a non-demanding type of relationship just like the one I had with my parents when I was younger. They used to love me and spoil me, hold back some words, not care about themselves, all that so that I would be happy. From me, nevertheless, nothing was expected. I was just a child and therefore was not obligated to love back. Can I please have that again? Or will I be in love with my parents and only my parents for the rest of my life?” On the other hand, however, the former example means, “I long for someone to love me as my parents did. Not loving deeply, but superficially. I long to love them and dedicate my life to them so that they might see my worth, yet I do not want them to recognize that. Even if they do, I won’t, so it doesn’t make a difference.” Do you realize how “being in love” is different for everybody? I could cite 150000 more examples but two will suffice for now (from what I see in life, these two are the majority).
The latter needs to move out of the child’s position and step up as a parent, if one wants to be in a fruitful relationship. The former needs to learn to be loved, and in doing so experientially learn the doctrine of the imago Dei. Whilst, one needs to become an adult, the other needs to be a child; whilst one needs to love, the other needs to accept love.
On a next text I intend to expand the reason many fear intimacy and don’t enjoy being overcome by their feelings. That will set up the foundations for me to be able to start working on “what is love”. But first things first, so stay tuned :)
God bless you!
I am a guy who likes to think ahead in the game. I am not waiting to get my PhD to start teaching people, I started it long ago; I am not waiting to have more money and time to go to the gym and have a regular diet, I am doing it now; I am not waiting to have a wife to be a good husband, I want to be a good husband while I am single. What does that mean?
Guys who are not loving Christ won’t start loving Christ because they are dating you. If they are not 100% focused on the Lord right now, they won’t change because of you (if God isn’t enough to make them grow and live for Him, what makes you think you will be?). I am reflecting on these things since I started counseling people. Some girls want a bad boy, some girls have no idea what they want, some want all the boys available so they can pick one, and some want godly men. I am not wasting my time with anything less than the last option. I decided, then, to become more godly, for my wife’s sake.
Whenever I worked out at the gym I would think, “I’m doing this so that my future wife can have a healthy husband” (cardio will be good for you as soon as you get married, just wait for it and remember my words, son). I would read Scripture and pray every morning because how am I supposed to lead my wife to seek the Lord on a daily basis if I am not doing so? I would read and try to understand women so that I could understand my wife better (I have had little success in this area so far, young soldier). But that is blatantly wrong!
Remember That Promise? Me Neither…
Why on earth would I use something uncertain to guide my life? I know many girls think God has promised them a perfect prince, but that is not true. The truth is that you might have rejected your perfect prince a year ago, or that you will meet him 10 years from now, or that there will be no prince at all! I know culture presses us telling us we need to find someone to be complete, but that person is Jesus, not _______ (insert name of the guy you dream on dating here). You might have heard that you will find someone in love songs, but not from God. God has never promised us a spouse! If you live with that certainty just know, you are wrong. Some people think singleness is a problem to be solved. It is not, and Stacy Reaoch got it right in this article.
Nowhere in Scripture God has promised us a spouse! He has promised we would be hated (Lk. 6:22-23), in fact, “all who decide to live godly lives in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Tim. 3:12). I can list other promises here but I can not list promises that are not here. Just keep this in mind, when you act and hope that God will give you something that he never promised you, you are not acting on faith, you are just being naive and selfish. Naive because you need to read your Bible and hold God’s promises firmly while rejecting everything extra that is not in there. And selfish because you think you deserve or need a spouse. You don’t.
MM – Motivations Matter
If God ever grants me the blessed opportunity to live the rest of my life serving and laying down my life for a godly lady, that is what I will do. Believe me, I dream with that too. I just know that that might not happen, it is not necessary. If that doesn’t happen, my growth was in vain. In fact, if the reason behind my want to grow is not God himself, then it was vain even if I find a godly woman.
My motivations are important. When you stand before God in That Day you won’t be asked just what did you do, but why did you do them. Imagine me saying to God, “yeah, every time we spoke it was just because I wanted to be ready for my future queen. But we good right?” How messed up that is! I have heard from girls that my attitude was “cute” and “mature”. Well, it wasn’t. It was a huge misunderstanding I had, and God opened my eyes.
Dating or not, married or not, I will keep on dedicating my life to the Lord. Single or not, I will still be giving all I have to the growth of God’s Kingdom. A godly lady is an extra, it won’t change my decisions for God. I now pray every morning because I need to be satisfied by God every morning (Ps. 90:14). I read God’s Word every day because I need to walk in truth and because He has words of eternal life (Ps. 86:11 & John 6:68). If God decides to bless me with a godly damsel, I will be ready to humbly accept the task of living for her. But that can not be my motivation to grow. My motivation now is God.
So I learned that motivations matter, and although some people thought my decision to focus on my future spouse were good and honorable, I am sorry to disappoint, but my focus is Jesus. And while the only love relationship I have is with him, I will be loving him and dedicating myself to him. Now, my growth is grounded on him, not in the promises my culture made for me. I can now firmly stand in the rock of Israel. In summa, I want you to finish this reading with this in mind: whatever you do, do it for God, because everything else is uncertain. With God everything is certain (if he said so). So live for him in such a way that if someone finds you they have certainly found the Lord before.
Let your focus be God!
God bless us!
As a young guy, I live with sexual temptations. Not everyone has a problem with this, some people do. Having the problem is not the greatest issue, but believing you don’t have any problems, when you actually do, is the greatest flaw one can face. Jesus came to heal the sick (Matthew 9:12), those who think are well off and free from the grasp of Satan in their lives need to double-check their hearts.
During a period in my life, I was considering falling into sexual sin with some girls. As I rationalized the issue at hand, I decided to write some reasons not to sin. My flesh said, “yes, because…”, but my renewed mind had some words to say to me. Here are my conclusions. I have found 100 reasons not to fall into sexual sin. Actually, I have found more, and I improve this list as I live.
I pray that these words help you in your journey, and that you meditate on them day and night. If you meditate on God’s word more often (Psalm 1), you will find yourself considering sin less often (great news, huh?). These are my thoughts on why not to fall, you can adjust them as you feel like. I only ask you, plead with you, beg you, that you consider these thoughts.
Before moving on, can I please ask you to share this on your social media? I don’t care about how many people follow me, I just think this can help other people. If you believe so, share with a friend!
I Should Not Fall Into Sexual Sin Because:
- I have got to understand that to say yes to my wife is to say no to all the other girls in this world. This won’t start in the when I get married, it starts now, as I am single.
- I have goals in life that will not be accomplished if I fall now.
- It is incoherent for me to fight against private sin but fall publicly.
- If I involve myself with a girl that does not have her faith solidified in Jesus, I might be doing a great evil against the little ones from Jesus, and I know very well what Jesus thinks about people like that (Hint: Matthew 18 and Luke 17).
- To give myself into sensuality will awake in me feelings that will not go away until I satisfy them. I might end up in pornography, or worse, I might use someone to satisfy my desires, or I will have to repent before God, and in either situation, I will have to repent, sinning physically or not. To simply look at someone with evil intentions is to wage war against my new heart (yes, new heart, as Ezequiel 36 and 37. Yes, it will wage war against your heart, as Matthew 5:28 implicitly argues).
- I might be awakening a genuine feeling in this girl. And I’d be doing that while I am only thinking about satisfying my own flesh. I will hurt her, and this will create profound wounds in her relationship with God.
- If I involve myself with her I won’t be falling alone (which is terribly bad), but I will be taking someone down with me. Worst than that, she might think I actually wanted something deeper than body chemistry, I will be using her as my toy. My conscience will carry the burden of using a girl to satisfy my needs while ignoring her needs, feelings, and even her walk with God… this is a weight too heavy for my faith to carry.
- To use someone for my own desires is selfish. Objects are meant to be used, not people (Check out Agustine, in Ordo Amoris).
- After physically involving myself with her I might believe that I had something emotional going on. This is to begin a relationship the wrong way. To drive my car in A street is to end up driving at A street; if I drive my car in A street expecting to end up in B street is illogical. To start a relationship the wrong way and believe it will end up right is a risk I do not need to take.
- I would see myself as a man at the urinal; a guy that looks at women as a deposit for his fluids and just that (read The Porn-Again Christian). I, in the deep of my being, beyond the superficiality of my flesh, do not agree with this, I do not want this mentality for me! To change my egocentric mentality I need to abstain myself from certain attitudes with some girls.
- I know for certain that if I start something with her in the physical realm before praying and dating the proper way I will be setting myself up for greater mistakes. This will appeal to my sinful and carnal mind, and we both will fall together (Luke 6:39).
- She might not even know the Lord! Maybe she is teasing me because she doesn’t know better, but I do! I do not want to ruin my relationship with God due to something quick.
- Many people look up to me and follow me, they listen to what I have to say and take my actions as a role model to follow. What will happen to their minds when they see me falling into the same pit I am trying to set them free from is beyond me. They will lose their trust in me, and probably won’t see sin as this pitiful and disgusting it is (Proverbs 7), but as something that is “good for food, a delight to the eye, and [something] to be desired” (Genesis 3:6).
- I actually understand that is not easy for one to “fall” into sexual sin, most of us throw ourselves over it. Falling is something spontaneous, is something that hasn’t been planned out, a wrong reaction to some action. To throw yourself is not to think ahead of you, it is, sometimes, to plan to sin. You don’t measure the consequences, you just dream with the moment (moment: letting your hormones and “neediness” control you).
- If I resolve to say yes to every sin my body desires I will destroy absolutely EVERYONE around me.
- I gotta be a deeper man. My feelings and thoughts need to be deeper. If thinking about sinning in a superficial level puts my mind in the right place, imagine how absurd sinning would seem to you if you were a little bit wiser!?
- She is a person, a human being, someone with a story, that has been through a lot, that needs to be satisfied in God, that has wounds in her heart, that cries when she is alone, that needs someone to help her grow (in the book of Proverbs, the fool needs a wise men to teach him how to become wise). I don’t know her struggles, and I don’t wanna become one more struggle for her.
- Honestly, I do not know the real motivations of her heart. Is she seeking approval? Does she lack paternity? Does she need to be pursued? Is she seeking answers for something? Is she looking for her prince acting like the opposite of a princess? Does she think she is not worth of something better? Is she trying to make me stumble on purpose? Does she even know God?
- I am not married, but I love my wife (if God ever grants me the privillege of commiting myself to one of his daughters). I want to give my whole self to her, no reservations and no “b plans.” My wife deserves a complete man, an actual man (there are a few of them out there, believe me), and I need to start to be this man today, not tomorrow.
- If I say “yes” to sin just because I am single, for what reason would I think I would say “no” in the future? Just because I am married? Marriage doesn’t change hearts! If my relationship with Christ does not prevents me from sinning, why would a relationship with a limited and sinful woman prevent me from sinning?
- To do this would to disrespect her future husband.
- To do this is to throw away my authority to address these matters. It is possible that God wants to use me to help other people in this area, and one can only lifts people up if he’s standing.
- She is my sister in Christ, for God’s sake! Siblings don’t kiss each other and don’t have sexual relationships with each other! This is disgusting and it sickens me!
- If two siblings kissing each other is skanky in my sinful mind, how offensive is that to God’s!
- This would harden my heart up (Psalm 95:8).
- I love God!
- Jesus died for me, she didn’t! God deserves much more from me than she does!
- To do this is to say that God’s Grace isn’t suficient (2 Corinthians 12:9); it is to say that I need more than God to satisfy me.
- Both I and God would be sad at this.
- I’d feel guilty, and if I didn’t feel guilty I should be worried about how my relationship with God is going.
- I am at war against Satan! To warm myself up in the fire of hell, to warm my flesh up in sexual sin, will not help me in my attempt to defeat him.
- To play with fire is to ask to get burned, maybe eternally…
- To fall in love for sin is to fall out of love with Jesus.
- There are people out there who need me. I can’t waste my time with this.
- I have a lot to learn, I need to grow. No one grows and learns when they give up. If I comfortably accept my carnal desires I will never grow. I have got to stand up against myself, I gotta die to myself (Galatians 2:20; Ephesians 4:22-24; Phillipians 3:8; Colossians 3:5; etc).
- I cannot be dumb enough to think this will fade away as we touch each other. Sin is fire, fire spreads. Don’t be dumb, Natan.
- I will disappoint everyone.
- I will be giving credit to those who say christians are all the same.
- When I think about this I feel like I am punching Jesus in the face.
- I don’t know if what I am feeling is the result of my flesh calling me and demons working against me , but this is unacceptable!
- The Spirit wages war against the flesh (Galatians 5:17). To give freedom to the flesh is to decree bankrupcy on my soul.
- God ordained me to be as holy as he is (1 Peter 1:16). To do the very opposite of this is to wage war against the Lord of Wars.
- A stumbling block is not what I need at the moment, thanks Satan, I’ll pass.
- If I don’t come out victorious over my flesh before getting married, I will never come out victorious after getting married. I will end up tying two families up into this mess.
- I might awake something in her that will lead her to worse guys, and they will take her away from God’s ways, maybe eternally.
- Those who need the “hots” that sin provides are cold. If my flesh wants to warm itself up in the fire of hell, this shows me that I am spiritually cold. Logically, I need to warm my sould up. My flesh called me because my soul is cold. When my sould is warmed up inside the flaming love of God the requests of my flesh don’t make any sense at all, for they present no benefit for what actually matters: my spiritual life.
- Peter was warming his hands up in enemy fire (Mark 14:67). Maybe, my “fall” won’t be when I actualize my desires, but when I first deny Christ in my mind. To say yes to sin is to say “no” to Jesus. Dang…
- Those who deny Christ on earth will be denied in Heaven (Matthew 10:33).
- To be honest, I love my relationship with God, with my Bible, I love my moments of love with the Trinitarian God, way more than I love this girl! Priorities, Natan, priorities…
- To be longamonous is the act against how I want to act (Galatians 5:22). I cannot be guided by my feelings and momentaneous desires, I need to be guided by what the Word says!
- I want my mind to be saturated with God’s word, not full of temptations and accusations.
- This will prevent me from hearing God’s voice in Scripture, and I hate to live without his voice.
- It will be very hard for me to repent and forgive myself than it will be to sin again. This can make me a recidivist very easily.
- To be very honest, I do not even know how long it would take me to forgive myself.
- I am no longer a child, I do not need to be guided by my desiders. I am a grown up man who can control himself. Am I a slave? Yes! But I only obey my Master.
- I cannot use my freedom in Christ to sin (Romans 6:1-2; Galatians 5:13; 1 Peter 2:16).
- I might be leading more people into sin, and this worries me. It would be painful to watch more people falling because of me.
- This is simply the result of my non-satisfaction in Christ. I should seek to be satisfied in Him, not to turn my back against him.
- Animals cannot control it’s impulses, I can :)
- I should flee sexual temptation, not run after it (Genesis 39; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 2 Timothy 2:22).
- If I am not radical with myself, it will be useless to be radical in my preaching, “for what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36).
- I really wanna help other people in this area, and this will not be possible if I give up now.
- I do not have freedom or free will to choose what my body needs (yeah I know you’ve been taught free-will is the greatest attribute one has. I’m sorry, they taught you wrong). I have been bought, “tetelestai!”, said Jesus in John 19:30. Words that were written in documents of purchase of a slave (yep, they taught you you are God’s servant, right? Incorrenct, you are his slave. Sorry buddy). Check out 1 Corinthians 6:20, 7:21; 1 Peter 1:18-19; and Revelation 5:9.
- I hate this attitute in other people. It logically follows that I must hate it in myself as well. To desire what I abhor is illogical.
- I am a mess without this sin, it wouldn’t be smart to shuffle the pieces of a puzzle when you’re trying to put it together.
- I wanna be an honorable man, and this mistake would make my journey into biblical manhood harder.
- I would be using someone else’s daughter. If someone ever uses my daughter this way I would get genuinely pissed, and hosnestly I don’t know what I would do.
- She needs to understand that the only way for her to receive the approval she seeks is in God. To get sexually involved with her won’t contribute to her life at all.
- She has got to be satisfied in God. To be involved with her the wrong way is to take her away from her main goal, I might make her think that she can actually be satisfied with boys.
- What both me and her actually need is the Gospel of the cross, not physical contact and sexual temptations.
- The renewal of my mind won’t happen if I keep my mind the same way (Romans 12:2).
- The unclean and the impure engage in such immoral acts. If I can act just as an unbeliever I might be following some other religion, because Christianity implies in acting differently from the rest of the world (1 John 2:15-17 and James 4:1-6).
- The pure of heart will see God (Matthew 5:8), the impure won’t. On a simple scale, my desire to see God is greater than my desire to satisfy my flesh.
- I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14). Light cannot lose its bright, if it does it becomes useless; light without brightness cannot be distinguished from darkness. My God didn’t die to bring me into the empire of darkness, but into his glorious kingdom of light (Colossians 1:13).
- Him who loves his neighbor does not deny him food. If I say I love my relationship with God, yet neglect feeding it, I am not eating the Bread of Life (John 6), I am acting against what I love, this is irrational.
- To say that I follow Jesus but to go against what he teaches is millennial, I mean dumb, sorry my typo :)
- This will not bring me any spiritual benefits. To grow in my spiritual life is my greatest desire.
- What if the heart is not to be trusted because we don’t know our own hearts (Jeremiah 17:9)? I want to understand my heart, and to act against it will make this journey impossible.
- “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us,” Romans 8:18. Memorize this.
- I know that there are other Christians out there fighting these same battles and they are coming out victorious (1 Peter 5:8-10).
- The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me, I am able to say “no” to sin (Check out this song).
- Those who need help can’t be helped by someone who also needs help in this same area.
- The winner gives the speech, he gets the right to speak. Losers can’t teach, they need to learn. I need to win if I want to teach others.
- It is extremally immature of me to trade my eternal desires for some momentaneous desires.
- This would relativize a lot of this in my mind. A relativist mind is not “yes or no,” it belives in “in-betweens,” in grey areas, and they simply don’t exist (Matthew 5:37).
- I am called to hate sin (Psalm 97:10), not to hug it.
- I lost my freedom for the flesh when I became a slave of Christ.
- Jesus considers me his friend, it would not be loyal to betray him (John 15:12-17).
- This only displays my lack of knowledge and comprehension of God’s omnipresence. I would sin sexually before my pastor’s eyes, but I think God doesn’t seem me if I’m alone with her. Truth is, God, “if I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me” (Psalm 139).
- I have done this in the past. I know for certain that this will not satisfy my heart.
- My flesh is insatiable (Proverbs 27:20; Habakkuk 2:5), its desires will only grow larger. It is like drinking water from the sea, you think it will kill your thirst but it will only increase it.
- I KNOW where to find satisfaction, and I know that there is no one on this earth that can satisfy me besides God’s word (Psalm 119).
- I should carry the weight of my youth in silence (Lamentations 3:27). To throw this away is to reject learning and growth, and those who love God ought to “bear fruit in every good work and increase in the knowledge of God” (Colossians 1:10; also, check out 2 Peter 3:18).
- Actually, I don’t want to sin, I actually want to be satisfied in God, I am misreading my urges…
- To remember of what Jesus did at the cross blocks me from sinning
- Because it is sinful. Period.
- My body is not mine. It is the Spirit’s (1 Corinthians 6:19), it is God’s (3:16).
- I lost my life when I won Christ’s, I can’t try to recover my old life because I cannot lose my salvation (John 10 and Romans 8:35-39)! To try to go back is to ask to get hurt, it is to invest on a bankrupt company (Read this book, please).
- God does not come back in the words he declares. If he promised me an escape from these situations (1 Corinthians 10:13), and I must faithfully wait and accept this his ways in honor and fidelity, even if his escape route means losing my freedom (Genesis 39, Joseph’s escape route led him to jail).
- To engage on a pursuit after fool’s gold is stupidity, considering I have the greatest treasure one can possibly want: eternal salvation from sin.
Now I pray that you will print this out and take this with you wherever you go. That when you sit on the toilet you will read this instead of browsing in your facebook account. Feed your soul with truths and you will hate lies.
God bless you! Share this with everyone you know!
For the past few months I have been studying love. Yes, what love is for our society, how does it look like inside our brains, how pop culture has shaped our view of love, what movies have most influenced us when it comes to this subjetc, etc. One thing has shocked me a lot, we do not know why we do the things we do. Confessions, by Saint Augustine, is a good example of someone who knem himself. How many of us can answer the simplest (yet most complicated) questions of life? I remember sitting down in my History of Ideas I class and hearing dr. Quinn asking us “is the number 2 real?” I have never thought about this! How is this important? Well, if it exist, how does it? Is it necessary? Can I think of a possible world without the number two? If it is necessary, how can God have created it?
Well, before jumping into platonic philosophy, let’s go back to our subject. Do you love someone? That pretty girl from school, beautiful hair, soft voice, incredible talented, loves the same TV shows you do, listens to the same bands you do, and has a crush on you. Remember her now? What about that boy? 6-pack on point, tons of products in his hair, V-shape, expensive clothes, and that smile (don’t tell me about the smile). Remember him? Well, let’s suppose you want to commit to him/her. Why would you wanna do that? I mean, after Jesus explained some things about marriage the disciples concluded it would be better not to marry at all (Matthew 19:10). God, through Paul, says that if you want to serve Him better you should not marry (1 Corinthians 7:8). So what is your reason to get married? “wow, wow, wow! Slow down Natan! I’m not talking about getting married, I just wanna date.” Scripture is nowere close to recommend recreational dating, or as my friend would say, Scripture does not support using someone to fill the “girlfriend void” up. So I assume you want to date because you wanna put a ring on her finger.
You love her right? What does that mean? It means you have a subjective feeling that might indicate that you like her. Ok, but what does that mean? Have you ever stopped to think about that? Well I have, that’s why I have started my book (I hope to release it in the fall of 2017, God willing). Ask anyone why they want to marry their loved one and the answer will probably be something like: “Well she is simply amazing! The most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life! We love to talk about the same things, and we also have the same hobbies!” If this is what you have in mind, I would strongly recommend that you run away from that relationship brother. This simply means you are marrying her to make you happy because you think you guys are a “match.” Why would you marry someone based on what they might have to offer you? Isn’t that selfish? In part, it is.
Getting married because of love is a terrible idea. What is love if not the feeling that the other provokes on us? They spoil us, so we love them. They look as great as that girl from the magazine, so I love her. She makes me horny, so I love her (sorry to be raw, believe me, your kids know what this means). We only love because we are spoiled! Love for us is nothing, it has no meaning! It is an abstract force that hits us and we can do no other! Joe used to love Mary but as soon as he saw Joanna he fell in love for lil Jojo, is this story familiar to you? How many divorced couples can sign under this ridiculous idea?
The fact is that we do not know what “love” means or is. We do not know love. This has got to change! And I am dedicating myself to help people understand what love is. I do not want to see you broken and divorced a few years from now. “We fight a lot but we love each other” is an oxymoron, I do not want that for you. I do not want weak girls that fall for any douche with a 6-pack and soft words, nor a bunch of young guys full of hormones that can’t distinguish love that leads to marriage from love that leads to brotherly community! Although my time is limited, I want to help you, so you can expect to read more about this subject. If you intend to get married in the future follow this blog. We will explore love as it ought to be explored: in God.
To be continued…