I am a guy who likes to think ahead in the game. I am not waiting to get my PhD to start teaching people, I started it long ago; I am not waiting to have more money and time to go to the gym and have a regular diet, I am doing it now; I am not waiting to have a wife to be a good husband, I want to be a good husband while I am single. What does that mean?
Guys who are not loving Christ won’t start loving Christ because they are dating you. If they are not 100% focused on the Lord right now, they won’t change because of you (if God isn’t enough to make them grow and live for Him, what makes you think you will be?). I am reflecting on these things since I started counseling people. Some girls want a bad boy, some girls have no idea what they want, some want all the boys available so they can pick one, and some want godly men. I am not wasting my time with anything less than the last option. I decided, then, to become more godly, for my wife’s sake.
Whenever I worked out at the gym I would think, “I’m doing this so that my future wife can have a healthy husband” (cardio will be good for you as soon as you get married, just wait for it and remember my words, son). I would read Scripture and pray every morning because how am I supposed to lead my wife to seek the Lord on a daily basis if I am not doing so? I would read and try to understand women so that I could understand my wife better (I have had little success in this area so far, young soldier). But that is blatantly wrong!
Remember That Promise? Me Neither…
Why on earth would I use something uncertain to guide my life? I know many girls think God has promised them a perfect prince, but that is not true. The truth is that you might have rejected your perfect prince a year ago, or that you will meet him 10 years from now, or that there will be no prince at all! I know culture presses us telling us we need to find someone to be complete, but that person is Jesus, not _______ (insert name of the guy you dream on dating here). You might have heard that you will find someone in love songs, but not from God. God has never promised us a spouse! If you live with that certainty just know, you are wrong. Some people think singleness is a problem to be solved. It is not, and Stacy Reaoch got it right in this article.
Nowhere in Scripture God has promised us a spouse! He has promised we would be hated (Lk. 6:22-23), in fact, “all who decide to live godly lives in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Tim. 3:12). I can list other promises here but I can not list promises that are not here. Just keep this in mind, when you act and hope that God will give you something that he never promised you, you are not acting on faith, you are just being naive and selfish. Naive because you need to read your Bible and hold God’s promises firmly while rejecting everything extra that is not in there. And selfish because you think you deserve or need a spouse. You don’t.
MM – Motivations Matter
If God ever grants me the blessed opportunity to live the rest of my life serving and laying down my life for a godly lady, that is what I will do. Believe me, I dream with that too. I just know that that might not happen, it is not necessary. If that doesn’t happen, my growth was in vain. In fact, if the reason behind my want to grow is not God himself, then it was vain even if I find a godly woman.
My motivations are important. When you stand before God in That Day you won’t be asked just what did you do, but why did you do them. Imagine me saying to God, “yeah, every time we spoke it was just because I wanted to be ready for my future queen. But we good right?” How messed up that is! I have heard from girls that my attitude was “cute” and “mature”. Well, it wasn’t. It was a huge misunderstanding I had, and God opened my eyes.
Dating or not, married or not, I will keep on dedicating my life to the Lord. Single or not, I will still be giving all I have to the growth of God’s Kingdom. A godly lady is an extra, it won’t change my decisions for God. I now pray every morning because I need to be satisfied by God every morning (Ps. 90:14). I read God’s Word every day because I need to walk in truth and because He has words of eternal life (Ps. 86:11 & John 6:68). If God decides to bless me with a godly damsel, I will be ready to humbly accept the task of living for her. But that can not be my motivation to grow. My motivation now is God.
So I learned that motivations matter, and although some people thought my decision to focus on my future spouse were good and honorable, I am sorry to disappoint, but my focus is Jesus. And while the only love relationship I have is with him, I will be loving him and dedicating myself to him. Now, my growth is grounded on him, not in the promises my culture made for me. I can now firmly stand in the rock of Israel. In summa, I want you to finish this reading with this in mind: whatever you do, do it for God, because everything else is uncertain. With God everything is certain (if he said so). So live for him in such a way that if someone finds you they have certainly found the Lord before.
Let your focus be God!
God bless us!